The Calm After the Storm

I must say I am proud of myself. It's not until shit gets hard until you realize exactly how strong you really are. I've had to make due with some fucked up situations the past 2 weeks. I'm happy to say that this time around I've reached the light at the end of the tunnel without even noticing how close it was. Satisfaction... I 've come out on top maybe bruised or bent but NEVER BROKEN

Depressed...

Depressed! I feel like I've been sucked to my core & I have absolutly nothing left to give. In my plexiglass case of emotion & can't break out. I don't know what to do anymore & I give up. It's hurts feelin like no one can careless & you know what.. I'm begining to careless myself. The 1's that I care about leave & the 1's I can't stand stay. They say it's gets greater later, I wonder when later is.. when I'm dead?

Disappointed!!

Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy; the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.

Confused...

IDK if he knows how I really feel. IDK if he even cares. What I do know is that I'm not going to loose myself behind another dude, never again. I have a lot on my mind and need to make some choices before the weekend is out. The only thing I can do is pray & follow my heart. Only problem is what if my heart goes aganist my god given instincts that I've learned to embrace? What if my mind is playing tricks on me to sabotage something good? I have many questions I need answered. the most important one is, Do you really care for me the way you say you do?

How soon is too soon when it comes to falling in love?

I don't usually post personally blog entries (other then my poems) but I wanna try something different.

I just want to do a quick relationship overlook before we get to the current stuff. First off, I've never been big on casual sex. Don't get me wrong I've had my share of 1 night stands and flings; I'm a man, a gay man at that. However, I have always been more into being in actually relationships with people or at least having 1 steady sex partner even if we don't consider it a "relationship" he's my go to guy for when I have an itch that needs to be scratched if your catching what I'm throwing.

So I've been dating this guy for about 3 months now. We met online exchanged a few messages for like 2 months, then finally traded numbers & started chopping it up over the phone. We chatted on the phone everyday for damn near a month before we finally made plans to meet in person. We made plans to meet up for brunch on a Saturday afternoon & just chill to see how things went. Needless to say everything went good. We had a lovely convo over brunch (which was good because I got to see his facial expressions which I couldn't see over the phone). After brunch we went back to his place & no we did not do the do. We chilled, smoked a few blunts, watched movies & talked all night. Let me not forget I did end up spending the night at his place, but that was because it was late & he didn't want me to travel home. He's such a gentleman. Anyways, since things went really well that time we decided to keep seeing each other. If it isn’t broke don't fix it, right? Well, that is until it breaks lol. So we kept dating openly for a month before we both decided to take the next step & make it official. So now that we're exclusively dating all has been well. I get frustrated at times because of our work schedules we can only spend time with each other on the weekends but we make it work. Now I’ve been in a few relationships in which very few were real serious long term relationships but until now have I been able to say to myself, "damn I could marry this man." I've bounce my thoughts around to friends but that got nowhere being that most of my friends either just love living the single life or are just in love with the idea of being in love but sadly have never experienced it. Now out of the ones that know where I’m coming from I’ve gotten mixed feedback, naturally. It's not surprising that most ask me if I love him. My answer is yes. I do love him & I find myself falling deeper & deeper for him the more we spend time together. Am I head over heels in love with him? No. However, if we keep going at the rate we are, then that’s not far away at all. For everyone that asked me: “Don’t you think it’s too early to be in love?” My question to them & ya'll readers is " How soon is too soon when it comes to falling in love?” I mean I don't think anyone can determine that. I'm not saying it was love at 1st sight (in which I do believe in). I believe that you can't put a time limit to determine the intensity in which 1 person cares for another. I have been in love, it went sour but it was good while it lasted. I know how it feels to be in love. I also know that I’ve never felt a love like this before, his love, the greatest love that I’ve known thus far & nothing will take that away (fingers crossed, lol). So to bring back the question, How soon is too soon when it comes to falling in love? My answer would be, "It's never too soon. It’s whenever you heart is ready. So to everyone with the negativity, my haters & the bitter, broken, scorn bicthes out there I promise you 1 thing. This love is gonna last. Ask me next year how things are going & I’ll be more then happy to tell ya'll "Just fine, Thanks!" Hopefully I’d have a ring on this pretty little finger of mine, lol. That’s just wishful thinking. I'm out ya'll. Please comment! I love the feedback.