My Epiphany Of Hope

Dear Jesus Lord,

You've made my day, through the thunder & rain reminded me it will be o.k.

You've looked after me in all my hard times, and still I rejected you and got down grime.

In my heart I knew you existed, even when I tried to act like my soul was unlisted.

As an offspring of yours I know I'm a winner, however made some wrong turns & lived life a sinner.

Again you've touched my soul & my spirit flies wavin', and help me to realize I'm worthy of savin'.

For all my negative deeds, I look to you and amend.

Heavenly father, I love you, thank you.

Amen

Loving Me 4 Me

I used to look outside myself for love, never thinking about my god above.

I used to do things to be considered "cool", and in the end I was branded the "fool".

I used to think it was wrong to be unique, putting up a social front to play hide & seek.

I used to dumb myself out and follow the "band wagon", not accepting my qualities as gifts and should have been braggin'.

I smoked weed, sniffed coke and popped E. With intentions of setting my mind free, looking back now it was b/c I was uncomfortable with my sexuality.

But now today even through all that shit, I'm happy to say... I'm Loving me 4 me and wouldn't have it any other way.

Good guy, Bad guy

Good guy, Bad guy ~~> Question- Which one am I?

Growing up my mother told me being a good guy was the way to be, going through a mental conflict that I could not see.

In school I always stuck to the positive ways, coming home with report cards flossin' all A's.

Somewhere along the line I don't know where I went wrong, somehow anger & misery became the name of my song.

Dropped out of school and into the wrong mix, coming home high & disrespectful calling my mom a fat b*t*h.

I remember the time she tried to confront me with the switch, telling her you mis-heard me I said I had a bad ich.

My life spiraled out of control and all out of wack, it's a miracle I didn't result to smoking crack.

With the past being gone and the future so near, however now I'm living in a present of fear.

So back to the question: good guy, bad guy which one am I?

I've always been a good guy, just livin' a bad guy lie.

Scorpio

S- Shy, Sexy, Sassy, Sensual & Sweet.
C- Caring & Cunning, Gifts from god what a treat.
O- Open- minded.
R- Respectful, is how I live day by day.
P- Passionate & Persuasive, but in a good way.
I- Intelligent & Insightful.
O- Opinionative, you know people always tell me I can be a powerful mofo.

I just used each letter of this astrological word to show, each quality within to make me a proud SCORPIO

Funny People

You know sometimes people say the damnedest things, shoutin' out rude remarks hoping it stings.

They look at you funny talking & walking around, or even minding your business not making a sound.

And for strange reasons I don't know why, their stupidity & ignorance make them say things hoping you cry.

However It's only together chillin' with the boys, is when most of them choose to make the most noise.

When you finally had enuff & wanna get it poppin', it gets so quiet you can hear a rat pissin' on cotton.

Then again all alone It's like they have stealh, staying out of the radar you know homie your playin' yourself.

I don't know why, why they can't see. Nothing they say bothers me.

If you can't take a hint, I'll offer some help. You wouldn't be a problem if you just shut the fuck up.

Getting Sick Of A Friend

Why is it that when you don't wanna be bothered people take it personal?

I have someone that I used to be close with. I wouldn't say we were bestfriends, but we hung out a lot. Over time I've been seeing little things here and there about the person that I don't like. He Spends more time talking about bullshit. Things that i don't think anyone cares about. If he's not talkin bullshit, he's spreading othe peoples' business. It pisses me off because he talks about people like his life is glitter gold. When infact the truth is, it's really not. Far from it . Most of my other friends that know him tell me that he tries to be like me. I didn't see it at first but more recently I've been seeing it. It's not just me tho. I'm convinced he doesn't know how to be himself. BUT! How could you be yourself, if you don't kow yourself? IDK all I know is that I can't stand to be around him. What makes it even worse, we work together. I mean like share a fuckin office. Looking at him now gives me a headache. Hearing his voice and mostly when he laughs makes me wanna vomit. IDK what wrong with me. I wish I knew why I feel that way towards him. I mean he hasn't done anything personally wrong to me. Besides him being 2-faced, sneeky, a gossip queen, drama queen, shit/rumor starter, and just royal pain in the ass I guess he's ok. I thought for a while it was just me. It's not. My other friends that know him also feel the same. They also agree he is annoying. Let's just say he's not a person you'd invite 1st to a party. Still I don't know if he does this on purpose b/c he wants attention(for people like him any attention is good attention). But As for me I don't like to be around him. I do not enjoy nor to I desire to talk to him anymore. Everytime I talk to him I get mad at myself because I know b4 the convo starts i'm gonna be over it. Yet I still entertain the convo and get over it, as usual. So I've started to just not speak at all. I mean it's working for me. Besides I really have nothing to say to him. I know he feels some sort of way. I don't care. I'm not gonna be like my other friends tho. I'm not gonna say how annoying he is whens he's not around and KiKi with him when he is around. Nope them I would be just as fake as him. I forgot to mention that he was fake. Very phoney. The phoneiness like oozes from his pores. §o he's just another tally in my "I had to cut you off" list. Do I feel bad? Sometimes. However only on the strenght that he has done nothing to me. I can't help the fact that he's an annoying fuck. I can only help how I let it affect me. §o if i'm not around the shit, I can't smell it. Well I think I've expressed myself enough about this topic. I know if the person I was talking about reads this he's gonna do what he does best.. Talk, talk, talk. I don't care. He can talk shit and read me all he wants. That just proves my point!!! Anyways, I Just needed to vent and release.